I cancelled the plan of publishing my first-ever nonfiction book. Honestly, it was a difficult decision.
It felt like I have to let go of something or someone that’s dear to me for that something or someone my heart truly wants. It’s like a scene where the second-lead character in a K-drama series wherein he has no other way around but to choose to let the woman he loves for the sake of her happiness. As much as you want to keep holding on, you know that she will not be happy with you.
Do you know how that feels?
It’s hard, and hard is even an understatement.
Similarly, this is where I found myself at. My impulsive decision to write a new book within such a limited timeframe took a toll on my well-being, especially my mental health.
Consequently, I withdrew from social media activities, refused to write a single word, refused to respond to all social engagement, and, unfortunately, including my family, I left behind in the Philippines.
I fear losing my writing skills and of developing agraphia, which will only lead to catastrophic endings for any writer. If you haven’t known agraphia before, it’s the loss of writing ability. Writers who cannot overcome their inner demons could have it.
And I don’t want to be one of them.
I don’t want to lose my writing skills.
It’s the only thing I have!
It’s the only way for me to communicate my thoughts, my deepest and no BS thoughts, without being disrupted or dismissed. It’s the only way to find the value in my existence that saved me from several suicide attempts in the past.
Writing has given me life’s purpose. That’s why you’re here. You found me on the internet. You found my work. You found me. Writing has led me to you. And now, it has been threatened. So, I want to save it before it’s too late before it’s gone and too late to save.
I tried writing the book. I did. I already have the first draft. But every time I look at it, I feel anxious. So anxious that I would procrastinate and agonize from the sleepless nights and days filled with dread. I wouldn’t be able to function and work properly as I should.
I’ve been talking about optimizing content for years, but I cannot even optimize myself. For years, I’ve been helping individuals, who are aspiring entrepreneurs, as well as companies worldwide, succeed and increase profits; when I struggle to help myself.
Now, I have decided to look at myself more, love myself more, listen to myself more, and, above all, accept myself more for who I truly am. To be completely honest, I only write business content for Americans to feed myself and my family despite being a non-native English speaker.
But if you ask me what kind of writer I truly am? I am a novelist. I love to write stories. Just so you know, I have already completed the manuscripts of three books, THREE NOVELS, currently placed in the dark for four years. All for the sake of pursuing success in the corporate writing life.
Don’t you see, writer?
You must set boundaries for your writing life. You must set foundations right from the start, though you may wish to explore various writing opportunities. It’s great to collect as many professional writing experiences as possible and as early as possible.
However, you must know the boundaries between monetizing your writing skills and pursuing your artistic dreams. You must be careful with your choices and always listen to what your body tells you and what you feel when choosing any gig, although you have to make healthy compromises at times.
For instance, in my case, I love to tell stories. I really do. That’s why I have three unserialized books on hand, right?
Don’t allow yourself to end up like me.
Broken.
Dissatisfied.
Frustrated.
As much as I want to listen to my heart and follow what it says (because it makes me truly happy), as I mentioned earlier, I need to feed myself and my family, pay monthly bills, and all that. Yet, the more I ignore and dismiss that little artist’s voice in me, the more it becomes unbearable. It’s paralyzing.
Look. It took me hours to write a piece with less than 500 words compared to 3,000 words a year ago. It took me almost a week to complete a blog post compared to the day before.
Deep down in my heart, I know this isn’t the kind of writing life I had imagined when I began eight years ago. I started the website as a novelist only to find myself trapped because of fear of being myself and believing in my voice through my stories (whose characters I’ve missed dearly).
As miserable as my writing life is, I mustered the last drops of courage to take action and do something about it, even at the cost of losing you. While writing this, I’m happy to write a bit faster because at least I can see myself improving. At least.
Consequently, after months of internal deliberation, I decided not to publish the book “Content Writing for Non-Native Speakers” temporarily. I’ll start revisiting my old works (currently on Wattpad) and serialize them at last.
In the following newsletters, the content will mix early book chapter releases and future updates. Hoping that you will still support me as a writer.
Thank you for reading this, and if you want to react or leave comments to show some love and share positive vibes with me, just reply to this email, whichever is convenient for you.
Again, thank you so much for being awesome and overwhelming support for my craft, and have a nice day ahead!
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