I Cancelled My First Non-Fiction Book & Got Banned From KDP

I cancelled the plan of publishing my first-ever nonfiction book. Honestly, it was a difficult decision.

It felt like I have to let go of something or someone that’s dear to me for that something or someone my heart truly wants. It’s like a scene where the second-lead character in a K-drama series wherein he has no other way around but to choose to let the woman he loves for the sake of her happiness. As much as you want to keep holding on, you know that she will not be happy with you.

Do you know how that feels?

It’s hard, and hard is even an understatement.

The Rival Uncensored by M Gaspary 20 sec video ad

Similarly, this is where I found myself at. My impulsive decision to write a new book within such a limited timeframe took a toll on my well-being, especially my mental health.

Consequently, I withdrew from social media activities, refused to write a single word, refused to respond to all social engagement, and unfortunately, including my family I left behind in the Philippines.

In fear of losing my writing skills, in fear of developing agraphia, which will only lead to catastrophic endings for any writer. If you haven’t known agraphia before, it’s the loss of the ability to write. Apparently, writers who cannot overcome their inner demons could end up having it.

And I don’t want to be one of them.

I don’t want to lose my writing skills.

It’s the only thing I have!

It’s the only way for me to communicate my thoughts, my deepest and no BS thoughts, without being disrupted or dismissed. It’s the only way for me to find the value in my existence that saved me from several suicide attempts in the past.

Write for Us | Submit your Guest Post on M Gaspary's Blog Featured Image

Writing has given me life’s purpose. That’s why you’re here. You found me on the internet. You found my work. You found me. Writing has led me to you. And now, it has been threatened. So, I want to save it before it’s too late before it’s gone, and too late to save.

I tried writing the book. I did. In fact, I already have the first draft. But every time I look at it, I feel anxious. So anxious that I would procrastinate and agonize from the sleepless nights and days filled with dread; that I wouldn’t be able to function and work properly as I should.

For years, I’ve been talking about optimizing content but I cannot even optimize myself. For years, I’ve been helping individuals, who are aspiring entrepreneurs, as well as companies worldwide, succeed and increase profits; when I struggle to help myself.

Now, I have decided to look at myself more, love myself more, listen to myself more, and, above all, accept myself more for who I truly am. To be completely honest, I only write business content for Americans to feed myself and my family despite being a non-native English speaker.

  • The Rival Book Cover Tapas
  • My Beloved Death King a novel by M Gaspary Book Cover
  • My Boss is a Cat a novel by M Gaspary Book Cover
  • The Accidental Quest A Novel by M Gaspary
  • MY LIFE PLANNER by M Gaspary COVER
  • Letters For Your Soul Reflection Journal 2022 by M Gaspary Paperback Ed Cover

But if you ask me what kind of writer I truly am? I am a novelist. I love to write stories. Just so you know I already have completed the manuscripts of three books, THREE NOVELS, currently placed in the dark for four years. All for the sake of pursuing success in the corporate writing life.

Don’t you see, writer?

It’s necessary you set boundaries for your writing life. You have to set foundations right from the start, though you may wish to explore various writing opportunities. It’s great to collect as many professional writing experiences as you can and as earlier as you can.

However, you have to know the boundaries between monetizing your writing skills and pursuing your artistic dreams. You have to be careful with your choices and always listen to what your body tells you, and what you feel when choosing any gig, although you have to do healthy compromises at times.

For instance, in my case, I love to tell stories. I really do. That’s why I have three unserialized books on hand, right?

Don’t allow yourself to end up like me.

Broken.

Dissatisfied.

Frustrated.

As much as I want to listen to my heart and follow what it says (because it makes me truly happy), as I mentioned earlier, I need to feed myself and my family, pay monthly bills, and all that. Yet, the more I ignore and dismiss that little artist’s voice in me, the more it becomes unbearable. It’s paralyzing.

Look. It took me hours to write a piece with less than 500 words compared to 3,000 words a year ago. It took me days to almost a week to complete a blog post compared to the day before.

fuu j jI3Lp0FYEz0 unsplash

Deep down in my heart, I know this isn’t the kind of writing life I had imagined when I began eight years ago. I started the website as a novelist only to find myself trapped because of fear to be myself and fear to believe in my voice through my stories (whose characters I’ve missed dearly).

As miserable as my writing life is, I mustered the last drops of courage to take action and do something about it. Even at the cost of losing you. Right now, while writing this, I’m happy to write a bit faster because at least I could see myself improving. At least.

eBook Mock up Side View

Consequently, after months of internal deliberation, I decided not to publish the book entitled “Content Writing for Non-Native Speakers” temporarily. I’ll start revisiting my old works (currently on Wattpad) and serialize them at last.

What that means is that in the following newsletters, the content will be a mix of early book chapter releases and future updates, hoping that you will still support me as a writer.

Thank you for reading this, and if you want to react or leave comments to show some love and share positive vibes with me, just reply to this email whichever is convenient for you. Again, thank you so much for being awesome, for your overwhelming support for my craft, and have a nice day ahead!

Subscribe to my newsletter!

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.