For starters, I love stories, and I especially love erotic romance novels. I love making up stories and being creative in my storytelling. Back then, there was no such thing as censorship, so I was constantly exposed to mature content as a child.
Despite calling myself a storyteller, ironically, I realized that I was never given the chance to open up my story after all these years of telling stories either for fiction or nonfiction readers. So, here I am today. I will be spending time with you telling my story, and I hope I won’t bore you with my mundane writing life.
When I was in kindergarten, I remember spending every afternoon playing with my toys and creating dialogues and storylines with them; while other kids spent these times having a nap.
My whole childhood, although it wasn’t a smooth ride for a young child, was filled with books and stories. All the stories I have created helped me cope with the rough and traumatic episodes of my life. For me, these stories have helped me survive the abuse from my caregivers.
As I look back at those darkest moments in my life, I doubt if I could ever make it even alive right now, and I guess there’s no way I could handle the most painful chapters without them.
Table of Contents
- My Ups & Downs When I Started Writing This Gay Erotic Romance Novel in 2017
- People Who Influenced My Writing Aspirations
- Writing Tools I Used to Write My First Gay Erotic Romance Novel
- My Final Thoughts on Writing & Self-Publishing My First Gay Erotic Romance Novel
My Ups & Downs When I Started Writing This Gay Erotic Romance Novel in 2017
So, when I wrote “The Rival” in 2017, I was in the middle of fighting against myself and my inner demons. While writing this book, I wasn’t mentally healthy and stable at all. At that time, the brutal power of major depression was at its peak in addition to developing a new and deadly lifestyle having succumbed to an eating disorder.
Writing this book wasn’t an easy feat for me, given my condition. Mentally, I thought, I still have the tidbits of willpower that remained that I could take advantage of. Although writing a book isn’t every writer’s cup of tea, let alone a mentally sick person like me, I decided to give it a go.
I am a self-taught novelist with a strong personal battle.
So, I started in 2017 and went for a few months. Like many content creators, who consider themselves self-taught beginners, I tried to study how others do it by reading books in different genres, from thrillers to romances, as well as nonfiction books. It was the time when I wanted to explore the kind of writing that I love to write, my writing voice if you will.
While it went well for a few months, I had to stop because it started to become more and more unbearable while working as a content writer at the same time. Every single day, I had made sure that my body suffered from grueling anxieties and painful body from a self-inflicted battery.
As these moments intensified over time, I wasn’t able to navigate myself back to continue writing the story. The only motivation I had at that time was to make sure my family is alright, leaving me nothing to spare for myself that I could no longer offer emotional attachment to the stories I once held on to as a child.
When losing writing power is an INFJ’s catastrophic tragedy…
I had to stop in the middle of 2017 because it became more difficult for me to have to balance and handle as many things as possible that weren’t possible for me to take on. If I were in the same state as now, I could have done it, but at that time, it wasn’t. It was too much. Like most freelancers, I need to keep a writing job to keep this going as much as I can.
Months passed, and 2018 entered, yet, I still didn’t have a new chapter to offer. Instead of working on the book, I spent most of my time running an Etsy shop to sell my other side of writing, which is creating handmade planners and journals to buyers worldwide. I started it in 2017 and until now, I am still making handmade notebooks for customers as they come.
When I saw an increasing number of orders from people who want to have my handmade notebooks, planners, and journals, I remember the feeling of trying to escape my writing responsibility. I didn’t like the feeling of “being obligated” and “being forced” to do something, especially in writing my stories. I am uncertain whether this is a unique nuance for an INFJ writer.
If you are an INFJ writer and this feeling resonates with you, please let me know in the comment section and share your personal experience with writing as an INFJ.
People Who Influenced My Writing Aspirations
During these arduous moments in my writing career, I was desperate to find a new way to recultivate that losing writing power. I remember spending more hours scouring the internet even after my freelance working hours. That went on for a few weeks until I found a few gems for free.
At that time, I didn’t have extra bucks to buy new eBooks on Amazon, so I only collected new ones that are offered for free. For me, having these quality free books is best in attracting new people because I am one of them. Being able to understand how I felt and what my situation was when I found these books is pivotal for future business decisions.
With that, I would like to share with you two of the well-renowned bestselling authors who have helped me get through my writing journey. If you like to learn more about them and what they do to help writers, you can click on links to see more free writing resources they can offer you.
Chandler Bolt, Bestselling Author & Founder of Self-Publishing School
It wasn’t until I found Chandler Bolt’s Self-Publishing School while searching for something on the internet. It was at that time that I felt a small fire ignited inside me, which played a vital role in my decision-making up to this day. Until now, they are still offering free training to teach new aspiring bestselling authors the right ways to finish their books fast. I highly recommend you check it out and get your story published.
Jeff Goins, Bestselling Author of “Artists Don’t Starve”
Although I know I will always live with these fears and anxieties until the day I die, I will always remember what Jeff Goins, a bestselling author of “Artists Don’t Starve,” said to me in July 2021.
He said that instead of trying to run away and let worries overpower my will to decide rationally and choose what I perceive is right, I rather let those fears in the passenger’s seat and drive with me along the rollercoaster drive.
My grandfather, whom I never met
Whenever times get rough, whenever I find myself lost, the best thing I could do is take a step back as soon and as early as I can and look back at that moment when that fire inside my dying candle of self-hope was lit for the first time.
Deep down in my heart, I knew that it was the same candle my grandfather could have wanted for himself when he was in the same situation as I was. However, it didn’t happen to him, unfortunately. The light inside him had gone, so he chose to leave everyone he loves.
When he passed away more than thirty years ago, it was a turning point for my mother, which left a deep scar in her heart until now. His defeat against the same demons I have been struggling with meant the death of my mother’s childhood dreams and unicorns.
Despite all these, I tried my best, so as to stray away from that frightening moment when giving up my life will become an option for my decisions. It is that same moment that I hope I will never have to choose between the two, as my grandfather made.
Writing Tools I Used to Write My First Gay Erotic Romance Novel
With the help of a few writing tools, I was able to finish “The Rival” in 2018 and offered the book for free on Wattpad since. Since I finished the book almost four years ago, I have received positive feedback from the readers, who have expressed how they fell in love with the story.
My Final Thoughts on Writing & Self-Publishing My First Gay Erotic Romance Novel
For me, it feels great whenever I receive comments like that, given the ups and downs I went through over the years, from the time I spent dismissing the natural storyteller in me to the time I overcame and won myself against the strong inner demons.
It is why my upcoming book called “The Rival” means a lot to me. As a writer, being able to self-publish my first ever gay erotic romance novel and be acknowledged as an author is an honorable experience for me.
Before I end this post, I would like to send you an invitation to support me as a novelist by reading and promoting it with others, you can check out my book right here.
If you like this article about my experience in writing a gay erotic romance novel, feel free to share this with your friends and family and help me spread the word. Subscribe to my Writer Warriors Newsletter to be the first person to read my latest article as they’re out.
Don’t forget to leave your thoughts, questions, or concerns, in the comment section below. If there’s anything else, you can reach me out in my contact page. Please be guided accordingly. Thank you! See you around.