Chapter 41, Dr. Clay (Cult of Eros #1, Ongoing Update)

Dr. Clay Novel by M. Gaspary Featured Image - Free Chapters
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Here’s chapter 41 of the new book, Dr. Clay, I’ve been writing since NaNoWriMo 2022. Enjoy reading. Let me know your thoughts in the comment section below.

Is it wrong to be happy? Valon thought. He sighed and expelled a cloud of smoke from his mouth. To say he was in a dilemma was an understatement. While his mind replayed the last conversations with his dad, the more he felt unease. And the longer he did, the more his emotions kept drowning him. As much as he didn’t want to let go, he thought it would be the best decision.

Feeling more determined, he sucked his cigarette and squeezed it on the ashtray. Then, he moved his attention to his materials scattered on the workspace. He cleaned each brush with a towel and paint remover. “I have something to tell you,” he muttered.

He’d been brushing up his torture techniques, and this morning he had visited the workspace he’d set up in his atelier. His tools were gathered, a crown of thorns, gleaming bulb wires, chains, handcuffs, ropes, hammers, and nails bigger than Jesus Christ’s.

“What is it?” Clay asked.

“Tonight would be the last time we would work together,” Valon said.

Clay drew his eyebrows in. “What? Why all of a sudden?” he sputtered.

Valon flashed a kind smile. “I have enough material for the project. And I’m thankful for your help. I do.”


“By tomorrow, I’m not your Master anymore. You’re free to go.”

Clay shook his head. His eyes were shaky, wandering. “I don’t think I can do that.”

“I don’t want to hold you back from where you belong, Clay.”

“I belong here… with you. I’m your Muse. You can’t push me away like this.”

Valon shook his head. “You have a brighter future ahead of you. Get married and have a family. Be a successful surgeon and prove you’re better than your father. So, I don’t think staying with me and getting stuck here is a good idea.”

“If you’re trying to push me away, I won’t leave you,” Clay continued.

“Why won’t you want to leave if your family is there, waiting for you?”

“I will never leave someone I love,” Clay screamed.

And there was a long silence.

Valon was speechless. He didn’t know what to say. Hearing those words from Clay’s mouth sucked his soul out of him. Confused and in denial, he looked away. He turned around and walked toward the materials he placed on the makeshift workspace.

“Your wedding is coming soon. You’re supposed to be with Liz,” he muttered, seemingly unaffected. But his chest was bursting. He wanted to lash out and scream to show him how much he hated this. For him, it would be selfish to allow his heart to say, ‘Don’t go.’ As much as he wanted to stop him, he couldn’t.

“I know,” Clay paused and gulped. He sat on the mattress he had prepared earlier.

Then, Valon leaned forward as he wrapped his arms around Clay with a black-colored piece of fabric in his hand. But while tying it around his head to blindfold him, Clay shoved his arms.

That surprised him. So, he pulled away and looked at him. “Is something wrong?”

Clay shook his head. “I don’t want to be blindfolded anymore,” he said, raising his face to his eye view. He paused and studied his face, anticipating his next word. “I understand it’s your protocol. But tonight, I want it to be different.”

“What do you want?” Valon replied as anticipation shot through him.

“I want to see how you look at me when you do things like this.”

A declaration Valon didn’t expect that night. He was beyond surprised that his big, brown eyes widened, revealing their brown luminescence as if a flashlight lit behind his skull. At that moment, he was at a loss for words. His mind shuffled in chaos. His chest expanded as he sighed. His itch for Clay swelled all over his body, drowning him.

“Do you allow your former muses to watch you?” Clay continued.

It looked as if he was pressed in time. That’s what Valon thought while he dared to answer Clay’s demand with a piercing, passionate look in his eyes. He looked at him as if he had found his prey and was ready to hunt. In hindsight, he knew he was losing control of himself. Though his mind wanted him to stop, his heart wanted something else.

“No. Never.” Valon was in a dilemma when Clay rose from the mattress, confidently walking on tiptoes in his direction with nothing on. He was naked.

“Do you touch them? If you know what I mean,” Clay asked, caressing his scars with his soft touch.

Valon couldn’t help but let groan. He shook his head. “I never even allowed them to say a word.”

Clay smiled. “That’s nice. Because that means I’m special to you.”

The closer Clay was to him, Valon could hear his heart throbbing like taiko drums beating triple time. His body shuddered, covered with a cold sweat, though he looked unaffected on the surface. However, when he felt his delicate hand cradling his face, he briefly shut his eyes while hisses escaped his mouth. Even though he only stood there, exchanging gazes with him, he thought he was in a triathlon.

“Aren’t you disobeying your Master?”

“Asking you to do something for me is not disobedience, Master. It’s a suggestion. A contribution,” Clay replied.

“What for? Are you dissatisfied with my judgment?” Valon asked coldly.

“You told me before that I have an eye for things. Interesting things. After all this, I began to agree with that. Because I found you.” Clay paused and walked further until he was a breath away from him.

Valon groaned softly when the doctor’s fingers reached his neck with his eyes closed. “Any regrets?”

“No. I want to see you touch me with my own eyes instead. Besides, this will be our last night. Don’t you think it’s time to level it up?” Clay paused again as if he remembered something. “Do you mind if I share a quote?”

Valon shook his head.

Clay smiled. “It’s a quote from Banksy. Do you know him?”

He nodded. Why wouldn’t I know him when he’s one of the most popular bastards in contemporary art?

“He said, ‘Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.’ I guess you would agree with that.”

Valon knew Clay had a point, leaving without any other option but to give up on what he was trying to hold back. His art was his comfort, and showing the truth was his virtue. So, why would he want to hold back?

Since he lost his parents, he had been holding himself back for Agatha. He had sacrificed his own happiness for the sake of others and a long-gone promise. Now that he has the chance, why wouldn’t he want to let it out? For him, it would be stupid to let this go and waste it because of fear.

Fear of what? Oh, dear. As bright and friendly as Valon was from the outside, his inner world was dark. He knew if he moved forward, he was convinced he couldn’t stop himself any longer. As much as he wanted to unleash the demons he desired to release, at the back of his mind, he was concerned about Clay.

What would happen to him after this? Indeed, Valon could gain something from this. But how about Clay? What would he get if he invited him for complete submission with his eyes open, watching him do the craziest things he had fantasies for a long time?

He wanted Clay. It was crystal clear to him. But he was afraid to see himself doing it. He feared the consequences he imagined would come to fruition. Unfortunately, the longer his eyes bore into Clay’s, watching him approaching him this close, the more he lost the fight against himself. Although he hated the feeling of defeat and losing control over something, he felt he wanted this. He thought, ‘Well, Clay wants this anyway.’

That’s what he wanted to tell himself, to convince himself he had done nothing wrong.

“Fine. If that’s what you want.” The only sentence Valon could say before he turned around and threw the fabric toward the table covered with paint cans.

When he looked forward, his eyes widened in surprise as Clay threw himself to him and kissed his lips. It took him a second to realize there was no going back, though it felt wrong. His hands crawled as he shut his eyes, tracing the doctor’s warm skin until he reached his face, so soft and delicate.

Slowly kissing and tasting Clay’s lips like lollipops began to enjoy him. Because deep down, he wanted this despite his attempts to detach himself emotionally from Clay. His mind hated the fact he was an Elizondo. He hated the fact this man was getting married soon. His mind screamed to stay away. He wanted to follow his dad’s advice because he was right. Clay was his brother.

However, it wasn’t what his heart cried for because he only longed for this man. This fact was the truth he couldn’t deny anymore, and unfortunately, it became stronger every time. Wanting something this deep was a new experience for him. He had never felt this way before.

The curiosity, matched with his desire to explore the dark and the unknown, prompted him to dare push Clay back toward the mattress and watch him lie there. Besides, Clay wanted something different tonight.

In that case, he was ready to give in and give what the doctor wanted. He stood there and grabbed his camera, filming him while enjoying the pleasure of waiting for him. “Are you sure about this?” he asked one more time to ease his need for reassurance. He wanted to ensure Clay was conscious.

“I’m a surgeon. I always know what I’m doing,” Clay answered.

“Do you think you would regret this?”

“Don’t worry. This isn’t something I’d regret later. Do whatever you want with me tonight. Even if you resist, I’ll be honored instead.”

“Sure?” Valon paused and watched Clay nod. “What if I want to fuck you now?”

“Then, fuck me.”

Knowing he couldn’t let go of this anymore, Valon placed the device on the tripod, standing bedside table at an angle towards the bed. He removed his pants until he had nothing on. Then, he crawled toward him and hovered above his face, relishing the moment of watching Clay arching and desperately hungry for him.

“Do you want me, Clayton Elizondo?” he whispered as he pressed his face against his ears, releasing a soft groan.

Clay nodded and hissed. “Yes. I want you,” he purred, inviting him to join the fun he had in mind.

“How much?” Valon asked while enjoying the sounds coming out of the doctor’s mouth. His moans surprisingly turned him on.

Clay closed his eyes while tugging him toward him. “So much,” he whispered and kissed his lips.

Author’s Note:

Thank you so much for spending time reading this chapter. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did when I wrote this part three months ago. This chapter, in particular, reminded me of those times when I sat before my desk, seemingly prepared to type in words, but I struggled to keep it up.

It took an external motivation to get it through, and, at that time, the NaNoWriMo event was upcoming. At that time, I thought, “This could be a great opportunity to try and give this a shot one more time. You’d done an excellent job with ‘The Rival,’ so you could do it, Mecyll.”

You know, it’s easier said than done because writing a chapter with a clear intent to finish it requires more than just a skill. Since I started writing fiction, I realized how much this work demands my ability to be naked and the guarantees to answer whether I was mentally, emotionally, and spiritually prepared to face my fears, conscious or unconscious.

So, being able to write this down meant I managed despite the countless times dancing around with depression and enjoying the roller coaster rides my anxiety provided me.

This is why I don’t know how to thank you for your support, regardless of the scale or contribution size, from sharing my work with others or buying my books. It doesn’t matter because, for me, every small act you show is appreciated.

Again, thank you, and have a great day!

If you like to support my writing life, here’s what you can do:

  1. Get a copy of “The Rival” Uncensored Gay Romance Novel.
  2. Check out my upcoming book, “Non-Native Speakers Only.”
  3. Find more writing tips on my website (i.e., content writing, freelance writing, copywriting, self-publishing, novel writing, and many more!)

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